Core Beliefs

Core beliefs are thoughts I have decided are true about me and my worth as a human. I recently was told that “beliefs are not true or false but rather beneficial or detrimental.” What if that’s true? What would it mean if I get to choose what I believe based on if it is beneficial or detrimental to me?

I’m going to try to identify my core belief by asking these two questions after I think something about myself. The two questions are, if that is 100% true, why is that so bad? and what does that mean to me or mean about me?

Let's try this… A major belief I hold about myself is that I am not good enough. It could be about quite literally anyone in my mind. Even though the primary “them” is my parents, I have felt this in all my relationships at one point or the other. It keeps me from being vulnerable or saying what I truly think. It keeps me hidden and safe but what is the true core belief under this? Is it I am not enough or is it something deeper?

I am not good enough for them. If that is 100% true, why is it so bad and what does it mean about me? They will leave me and that will mean that I'm alone. If that is 100% true, why is it so bad? Then I won't be loved. I won't be loved if I'm alone. What does that mean about me? I am unlovable. I am unlovable. Damn.... so my core belief is I am unlovable. How is believing that beneficial to me? It keeps me safe. It keeps me from reaching out to people and from feeling the pain of them leaving. It allows me to stay behind my wall and from stepping up into myself. How is it detrimental to me? If I don't connect with people, and I mean truly connect with them, I will forever be unknown. People won't have the chance to love me because they won't know me. What does that require? Radical truth. Radical honesty. Radical vulnerability. That scares me so much. That means that people will leave. That means people have the free will to leave, and I don't want to feel that pain. If I feel it I feel like I will die. It'll swallow me whole, and I will forever be in that hole. I have no power to do anything about it if it has nothing to do with me. If someone leaves and I am still lovable, I have no power to change anything to make them stay. Woah... I have decided that I am not lovable to hold onto some sense of control. I have been hurting myself to escape sitting down and crying when someone leaves. What's the worst that will happen if someone leaves me? I'll sit down and cry and analyze the situation and see how I could've done better and see where they could've done better. I can apologize and then if they still want to leave that leaves a space for someone else to walk into my life, and I will have the capacity to be vulnerable with that person even more than the last. That's quite beautiful actually. That's the beauty of letting go. Letting go of a false sense of control over others and letting people decide to stay or leave. If I try to make someone stay when they truly want to leave I'm robbing myself of having someone who truly wants to stay. I'm robbing the other person of choice. That's what Abba wants. He wants me to decide to love him. He doesn't want to make me stay because he knows he never will truly have me if he does so. He is willing to risk the pain of losing me for the joy of me truly wanting to be with him if that's what I decide. If I try to make someone stay in my life I will never truly have them. God, what we do to ourselves and others to have some sense of control. It hurts when people leave. It truly, truly hurts. I can face that hurt without making it mean anything about me or them. I can cry and truly feel that pain without adding more pain. I can validate the pain of being alone and sit with my inner child until the feeling passes. It only means that they chose not to be in my life and because of that I'll have an open space for someone else who truly wants to be by my side without me having to chase them. What freedom! What power! What joy! So do I want to change this belief? Do I want to stop controlling others and hurting myself? Yes, I do. Let's change I am unlovable to I am not for everyone. I am exclusive. I am only for people who want to love me. There will be people who love me, and when that time comes they will choose to be there. They will choose it. I won't have to force it and then I'll know it is real. Inhale.....Exhale.... I am not for everyone. I am exclusive. I am only for those who want to love me. Inhale.....Exhale..... and there will be people who will want to love me.